How do you deal with the anger?

How do you deal with the anger?

Picture of my husband and I in NOLA a few months before my health tanked.

I’m 36. I found out I had Degenerative Disc Disease and Osteoarthritis at 28. Now, in a year and half, I’ve been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, POTS, and Ehlers-Danlos. I’ve already had severe migraines for 25 years. I also had 2 spinal surgeries, a 3 level fusion and a revision 3 months later, just within the last 8 months. I am FURIOUS. All the time. At everything. Everyday is filled with grief, mourning the life I almost had. But so much anger. I’m pissed at my body. I’m pissed at the pain. I’m pissed that this is my life now. I’m LIVID. I’ve gone through so much trauma, SA, abuse, drugs. I got clean forever ago, finally got away from my abusive ex, and found my wonderful husband. Then 2 months after we married, my body fell apart. I haven’t worked since January ‘25, mere months after landing my dream job. I’m going to all the doctor appointments, taking my meds, doing all the therapies, including aquatic. I even went to the Mayo Clinic to get real diagnosing and all kinds of resources. I’m doing all the things. I’m trying to give myself grace, I take lots of breaks, I don’t push myself. I’m going to counseling, have a daily gratitude notebook, I journal. Yet, I feel like my life was stolen, ripped away after fighting for so long to finally LIVE. I’m so MAD. How long did it take everyone to accept things?

Writing

How Do You Deal With the Anger?

Anger is a normal human emotion. When you live with a chronic illness such as fibromyalgia, anger can appear more often than you expect. It may come from constant pain, exhaustion, missed opportunities, or feeling misunderstood by others. The important thing to remember is that anger itself is not the enemy—it’s how we respond to it that matters.

Many people with fibromyalgia feel frustrated because their symptoms are invisible. Friends, family, or coworkers may not understand the daily challenges of living with widespread pain and fatigue. Feeling unheard or dismissed can quickly turn frustration into anger.

The first step in dealing with anger is recognizing it early. Notice the warning signs, such as a racing heart, tense muscles, clenched jaw, or negative thoughts. Catching these signs early makes it easier to calm yourself before emotions take over.

Take a few slow, deep breaths. Even one minute of focused breathing can help reduce the body’s stress response. It won’t erase the pain, but it can help you respond more thoughtfully instead of reacting impulsively.

Give yourself permission to step away from stressful situations when possible. A short walk, sitting quietly, or simply taking a break from a difficult conversation can prevent anger from escalating.

Express your feelings in healthy ways. Write in a journal, talk to a trusted friend, or speak with a counselor. Bottling up emotions often makes anger stronger over time.

Regular movement, within your body’s limits, can also help. Gentle stretching, walking, or yoga may reduce stress and improve mood. Always choose activities that are appropriate for your health and avoid pushing through severe pain.

Sleep plays a major role in emotional regulation. Poor sleep can make irritability and anger worse. Creating a relaxing bedtime routine may help improve both sleep quality and emotional resilience.

Practice self-compassion. Chronic illness is difficult, and it’s okay to have hard days. Instead of criticizing yourself, remind yourself that you’re doing the best you can with the challenges you face.

Setting boundaries is another powerful tool. It’s okay to say “no” when you’re overwhelmed. Protecting your energy is not selfish—it’s part of caring for your health.

Mindfulness and meditation can help you become more aware of your emotions without being controlled by them. With practice, these techniques can make it easier to respond calmly during stressful moments.

If anger is affecting your relationships, work, or daily life, consider speaking with a mental health professional. Therapy can provide practical strategies for managing emotions and coping with chronic illness.

Remember that anger often hides deeper emotions such as sadness, fear, disappointment, or grief. Identifying those feelings can help you address the real source of your distress.

You are not alone. Many people living with fibromyalgia experience anger, frustration, and emotional exhaustion. Sharing your experiences in a supportive community can remind you that others truly understand what you’re going through.

Healing doesn’t mean never feeling angry. It means learning healthy ways to process those emotions without letting them control your life. Every small step toward understanding your feelings is a step toward greater peace, resilience, and emotional well-being.